mindset shifts that changed my life
Recently, I read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz (amazing by the way- I recommend), and it completely changed the way I think about mindset. I've always been someone who loves routine, and I tend to be pretty set in my ways. I don’t typically get excited about adopting new habits or changing the way I think, which is something I’m aware of. In fact, I'd never intentionally worked on my mindset before. I always assumed it was just part of who I was.
This book introduced me to the idea that our minds are a lot like our muscles: they can be trained. The way we interpret situations, respond to challenges, and experience life isn't fixed. That realization made me reflect on the mindset shifts I've picked up over the years, some intentionally and others without even realizing it, that have genuinely changed my life. So with that, here are 3 lessons that have shaped the way I experience the world.
“Everything you can imagine is real”
Your beliefs shape your own reality. You can control how you experience the world by turning your focus inwards. I used to live in a world polluted by my own ‘if…then…’ laws. If I got into the hardest college, then I would think highly of myself. If I wore more makeup, then I would like myself more. If I performed better in my sport, then I would respect myself more. For most of my life I had thoughts like these running through my mind constantly, until I one day realized that I was in a time loop of competing with myself that touched every aspect of my life; a loop of competitions that I could never win. The harsh truth, is that none of these thought patterns were helpful or true. Asking myself this allowed me to finally understand that I had been standing in my own way for so long.
For example, I loved running in college, but I was terrified of racing. I felt so confident in training and genuinely loved the process, but all those feelings disappeared on race day becauase I was afraid I would perform badly. I created the belief that poor performance meant I was not good enough. When I crossed the finish line, I either felt amazing, or I was forced to confront all of the self-criticism I had been carrying around. This is a challenging way to live.
The truth is, our thoughts shape our reality far more than our circumstances do. If you constantly tell yourself you're not enough, no achievement will ever feel like enough. We can literally control how we experience the world by focusing inwards. I think it’s really cool that we can do that. If I actually believe I’m already worthy, confident and capable, my experience of life follows. It sounds silly, but try it. Walk through life as the version of yourself that has everything you want, even if you don’t. Nothing on the outside has to change first. The way you experience your world starts with the story you tell yourself about it.
You can’t change how others feel. I used to get in screaming fights with my parents sometimes. Usually about unimportant things. The worst part would not be the fight itself, but the feeling afterwards: sitting in my bedroom after slamming the door with dry tears on my face, lightheaded with my ears ringing. Worse than the physical aftermath of it was the psychological aftermath, knowing that it was not worth it because I had not changed their opinions, I just made them mad. This is always the way it goes.
My mom taught me that as I grew up, I would lose every fight I ever had if my goal was to change the other person’s views or opinions. Even if I sat them down and used all my energy explaining, I cannot change how anybody else feels. They may listen to what I have to say, but whether they decide to change their beliefs is solely up to them. People say what they want to say, think what they want to think, and I do the same. That’s all it is.
Once I truly understood this, I stopped trying to control other people's opinions. I’m really intentional about the way enter conversations with others and I try to be curious rather than reactive. I share my perspective, I listen to theirs, and then I let go of the need to control what happens next. It has made my relationships more peaceful and my mind a lot quieter.Do not do things if your only reason for doing it is to fulfill the dream of a younger version of you. She lives inside you, you do not live inside her. You see her when you look in the mirror but she has no idea who you are and she never will. I actually think this is kind of freeing. Sometimes it can be hard to let go of lifelong goals if a younger version of you wanted more than anything to achieve them. But, the reason that younger version of you wanted to achieve something big is because she felt inspired in the moment. If you no longer feel that way, allow yourself to evolve. Let yourself feel disappointed, but with time you will feel relieved. The hardest part of changing is deciding to change.
I hope at least one of these resonatrs. If you're trying to become the person you want to be, start with the way you think. Your mind is the most powerful tool you'll ever have!
3/2024
